Opinion / November 27, 2019

The Conservative Case for Jessposting

I rarely explain my jokes because I am not a homosexual who needs to justify my tweets for the approval of the masses of peons that inhabit the cesspool which is dissident Twitter. But it is my journalistic duty to set the record straight and dispel the misconceptions that surround jessposting.

First off who is Jess? Jess Southern is the sister of infamous traditional mudshark Lauren Southern. Lauren Southern is most known for her movie Borderless where she documents the migration of a trillion POCs (I don’t know what that stands for I tried googling it but it kept autocorrecting to PCOS, Polycystic ovary syndrome, maybe that is why she was interested in documenting it) into Europe. Controversy broke out after the release of the movie when it was found out that Lauren had contracted a form of untreatable super AIDS during her visit to one of the migrant camps. This revelation forced Lauren into an early retirement from politics ending her reign as queen of the right-wing beta bucks. This power vacuum was quickly filled by Lauren’s younger more attractive sister Jess.

Jess Southern quickly surpassed her older sister in fame and accolades. Jess propelled the conservative movement to new heights previously thought to be impossible. How did she do this you may ask? Did she come up with some new political theory? Did she get elected into office? Did she lobby to change public policy or create an organization to promote important issues? Nope, none of that she doesn’t even talk about politics. In fact, I’ve never heard her speak period. All she does is post pictures of her ass on Instagram.

No Patreon, no onlyfans, nor premium snap. Jess cuts the crap and gives the people what they want. She knows women political pundits are only eye candy for boomers who stare at their boobs.

Jess gives us all motivation. This reminds me of a quote by American Identity Movement founder Patrick Casey: “The beauty of PAWGs must not perish from the earth.” Now that you know the backstory, explaining a jesspost is simple: a jesspost is a non-lewd picture of Jess with a caption. The purpose of a jesspost is twofold: to pretend Jess is not a massive e-thot and to assert that she is more important to the right-wing movement then her sister.